Red Devil no. 2 -aaaaaaalmost half way there...

Day 4 of Chemo No. 2 - I feel like sh*t  :( I have been so emotional and not knowing what to do with myself for the last 3 days - I am just getting so frustrated. I lay in bed as much as possible because the less I move around the better I tend to feel on the nausea side of things. Suppose it's a never ending cycle really. I hope to get back to normality as soon as possible so I can feel myself again.

I was supposed to have had chemo last week Wednesday but shockingly I got a call on Tuesday saying 'sorry your blood results are bad - we resceduling you to next Monday'. Being called about a simple blood test feels like you have failed a major exam or something. It's so weird...Not a lot of people will understand it for what it is but it's such a dissapointment at the end of the day. You mentally psyche yourself up soooo much only to hit a brick wall. Doof!! I relaxed for the next 2 days as well as the weekend and then when Friday came around again I had my 2nd set of blood tests done. Only Monday did I find out that I passed this time so on went my day for going for Chemo.

I first visited my Oncologist for a follow up appointment. On sitting down she asks me ' so how much do you hate me right now?'. I told her that I thought the chemo was extremely grueling and her exact description was perfectly suited - ' you're going to feel like you have 1 hell of a bad hangover for about 4-5 days'. Turns out that chemo no1 was in fact given to me on a much milder dose. Hmpf.... (imagine my excitement to start chemo in the next hour or so).

My doctor examined me and she immediately could see that the tumour had shrunk. She seems to think the Good Ol Red Devil (mean red devil more like it) is going to hit this out of the ball park completely. 

On walking out of the doctors office I ran into Heather (all at RE/MAX will know who she is) who was having an appointment with my doctor right after me. She was scheduled for treatment as well. On arriving at the chemo room I sat down and got 'plugged in'  and to my surprise Heather was actually seated to sit next to me. It was so nice to have a familiar face nearby where we chatted about our ailments and life in general...and also to the ladies accross from us..

Hair Today - Gone Today?

That is the question...
I was considering chopping whats left of my locks off 2nite.
For those of you that have seen me - I have been sporting a 'poor boy' beanie due to my hair looking like such a state in the last week. My hair looks like Yolandi Visser...most of you won't know who she is. Google it - it may be the worst hair do you have ever seen! If I had to explain in - it's similar to a mullet gone wrong. With all the chemo over the last 7 months- I lost about 3/4 of my hair and as mentioned in the posts previously it has grown out kind of awkwardley whereas my other hair is super thin and rather much lacking at the back! Now everytime I look in the mirror I feel so saddened - I don't know why. It just gets me down a bit so I think I am going to chop it off before it starts falling out hectically. I want to feel like I am in control. Enough of this 'is it going to fall out or isn't it crap' - It's been going for over 7 months already!
Yesterday I found out about my massive organised fundraiser - I thank you all for the immense (unexpected) support. Everyone has been so amazing and so supportive - when I think about it I just feel so amazingly overwhelmed. When talking to my other half last night I just couldn't explain what I feel with such support - and he certainly couldn't help either. It's just so big! I thank you all for the helping hand. There just arn't words to describe how I feel. I'm still over joyed about the first one really!

The Red Devil

For those of you who are not aware - I started my new treatment last Wednesday. Wow is this a whole nother ball game!!! I hate it :( 

My day started at 9am getting down to the chemo room. I was bombarded by all the friendly faces of nurses who openly greeted me with hugs. It was kind of weird considering I hadn't been here for 2 weeks now.

I was seated now on the other side of the room (seen that trials happens towards the back) and of course lost 'my chair' that all the staff had known was mine. The nurses began to tell me of all the new side effects I would feel with this new drug nicknamed Red Devil.

As soon as they had got me linked to my line I felt this wave of nausea -suddenly I wasn't so excited to start the new treatment.It slowly subsided a bit and got better. The rest of the treatment took about 2 hours (alot quicker than the old treatment).

I went home feeling a bit normal and then it suddenly hit me. Immense nausea and tiredness. I was so nauseas that every time I even thought of food or heard the fridge open I was naar to my stomach. I was staying at my mom because she was off work for 2 weeks. Nobody takes better care of you than good ol mom :) The only downside to this is my mom loves to watch the cooking channels......eeeeew.

3 days later I am slowly starting to feel normal again. Extremely weak with litrally no energy and I'm eating marmite toast/ bland fruit alot more easily now. yay me!

Just gotta take it a day at a time I guess. Really didn't think it would knock it out of me so much.

Ok - so cycle 8 didn't quite start at all...

I had a CT scan last Thursday and when I went the next day for my chemo the doctors put an immediate stop to my treatment. The primary source (in my breast) has grown a bit so it appears my body is growing immune to it all. I was supposed to start the new Red Devil Treatment today but alas - my medical aid hasn't finished authorizing my meds for chemo. Medical Aids in general make my blood boil (grrrrrr). I was supposed to start treatment STAT but apparently Discovery has had a back log and a half of work to authorize. 

I am now stopping stressing for the day/ weekend and going to try enjoy a weekend until the drama starts up again next week  ;) My body/ immune system deserves a bit of a break!
I had a wrap up session with the Trials team this week - I'm so sad to leave them! All the nurses and doctors are absolutely amazing.  It's also a bit stressful having to rely on my medical aid paying for everything - before the trials paid for everything. Just got to hope and pray that it all works out I guess!

Cycle 8 of Chemo

I cannot believe that I am starting cycle 8 of chemo soon. This will be my last month of chemo on the trials department.

I had a meeting with my 2 oncologists on Friday. My doctor will be attending the meeting for the drug she wanted me to be on - to see if the drug will be released to tier 1 medical aid patients sooner than later. If this drug does not get released sooner than we anticipated then I will be put on the mother of all chemos - RED DEVIL. My current chemo that I am on now is a walk in the park comparred to this stuff. So not stoked for that at all but it still excites me that it's a further hope to get better. Bring it on I say!!

I'm finding that I'm growing more and more old lady like as time goes by. I have such intense back pain in the mornings that I struggle to get out of bed at times. 

I am quite excited for our support group this year. I recently got together with the main organiser/ Chair person in CT for Breast Buddies and we have come up with some great ideas to get us out there and make 

the awareness bigger. It may sound funny with me currently still on chemo but I enjoy getting this kind of thing out there. If I can empower people to be aware and help the cause then I am more than happy :)

We are getting some marketing put togetehr such as our own buffs, rubber band bracelets, cool and quirky shirts - I hope it really takes off.

We are going to host such events as quiz evenings, A Mad Hatter Tea party, launching a calendar with fighters and survivors and a Pink Coctail event (which we will do a reveal of the calendar). If anybody has any great contacts for sponsorship/ prizes then please let us know. We need as much help as possible :)

I changed the name of my blog for now - simply because the word hope is popping up so frequent lately. I may even have that word tattood on me instead. To me Hope is inspiration, it's a goal, it's the little thing that we clutch onto no matter how bad a situation can be.

I had a super bad day yesterday - I was really down. I sat down in my doctors office and she broke the news to me that my medical aid does not want to pay for my new treatment because it's new on the market and very expensive - but yet cheaper than the chemo and Herceptin I am currently on in trials. I was so mad it was unbelievable. I am assured that trials will have me for as long as possible (which I am happy about) but it's not the best solution at the moment because I could be growing immune to the chemo.

I ended up in tears in the doctors office - the worst thing about having cancer for me is not knowing the unexpected. You hold onto every shred of hope and positive thought that all will work out and then stuff like this happens....Doctors are trying to negotiate with them but we'll see what happens. There are other options but it still all sucks. Shame - my trial doctor is a complete angel. She sat down beside me, hugged me and completely understood everything I felt then and there. She's been through all the same stuff when she was 22 years old and matched every sentence to what I was thinking.

See - more waiting. I swear medical aids are just around so you can stress and end up with heart faliure or something instead!