Sunday, June 19, 2011

just 1 more

as much as thinking 'Just 1 more...' is so exciting I just wanna cringe at the thought of having 1 more. I don't know why but the more I have I just think....seriously - theres more? The mere thought makes you go green!
On the note of 1 more that brings a mere reality that it brings the 'big surgery' very close by. The doctor would like me to have my surgery 3 weeks after my last chemo. As excited as I am to have this primary 'b*itch of a cancer' cut out it's a bit of a reality slap thinking how close it all is. I need to meet up with a new plastic surgeon and discuss the various options of having new 'mounds' upon my chest. Here is hoping they do a 'tram flap' which is a bit of a complicated procedure by the looks of it but it's basically fat used from your stomach (yay!! stuipd chemo has caused me to put on quite a bit) as well as a muscle that is brought up from behind your back/ stomach area. I'll attach a picture below. Do yourself a favour and don't google image it - looks terrible and super sore!
We have moved into our new home - we're absoloutely loving the space. It's been so awesome and my body aches seem more 'happy'. I think the many stairs did no justice whatsover on my achey bones. It hurt just waking up in the morning and the 3 flights of stairs as well as a flight in our own flat took it's toll.
It seems like my lawyers seems to be coming to a bit of a decision in the malpractice issue. They struggling to come up with proof that the cancer grew a certain amount within the 5 months after being diagnosed officially (from seing the GP in the first place) so it looks like they making a demand for trauma, medical expenses etc etc. No figures but even thinking about it still makes me upset because at the end of the day no amount of money can make up for what has happend. If I saw this doctor again I think I'd have to have a army hold me back and my mouth sown shut. It makes me so upset that someones stuipid decissions could have such a toll on my life. I would have probably been over this, I probably would have been in stage 1, It wouldn't have spread and I could have had a very strong chance of a healthy life ahead of me with kids and all. Everything is questioned now and we'll never quite know so we just gotta have faith in God that all will be ok and he has a plan. 
None the less as sh*t as it all seems from time to time - I will never give up fighting the fight. Everything happens for a reason.