Friday, January 27, 2012

Just come back from an amazing cruise this week. We managed to get a good deal on Groupon for the 2 of us and left Thursday night from CT to Durban for 3 nights. Wish I were still on it! It was so amazing just having some time to relax, no phone signal, lay out on the sun deck, spending time with my hunni and friends, to be waited on hand and foot and having the occasional swim. The coolest thing of the trip was celebrating my finishing of treatment - Yaaaay! We spent a day in Durban as well at Ushaka Marine World and stayed in a nice Hotel on the beach. Was a short 3 day off work holiday. Hopefully I can take a few more days off when my brother is down in March. Can't wait to see him!

On The Thursday of our departure day I said goodbye to my last radiation session. 45 sessions overall were done. My skin was not too happy with me I must say. Over Christmas period my skin got a bit of a break. My neck area looked terrible with skin peeling and how red it was. Skin is still healing from my last few sessions. The skin almost looks a bit dirty from the radiation. Still peeling a bit but it will get better.

My radiation nurse saw my skin on the last session and told me I should not wear a bra. I looked at her with complete disbelief. 'Where do you expect my prosthesis to go if I don't have a bra?'. 'Don't wear it, you should not have a bra on because it will irritate your skin even more'. 'Errrrrm - do you know how lopsided I will look?'. "It's ok, it's not forever' she says. My reply was 'Do you know what it's like to be so young and have 1 boob only that you look like a deformed freak? Do you really expect me to walk out in public and work like that?, do you have any idea how many stares you get? Walking out my house without a prosthesis is not an option my dear!' Really now...I like to feel normal as possible and not like a 1 boobed freak thank you very much. I have gotten used to it but looking at your mutated chest is not a pretty thing.

After a lot of struggle with the medical aid I finally got authorised for my PET scan. After doing some questioning with some old trial nurses I bumped into they told me that the technology down here is quite more advanced than what they have in Joburg and Pretoria hence being cheaper and more likely be authorised. They managed to negotiate a rate of R10 000 instead of R18 000 and I would not have to pay in a cent. What a relief. Helps to complain and speak to people higher at Discovery I guess. Don't ever throw in the towel when it comes to medical aid. May that be my advice to any of you!

On Board The MSC Melody with my <3

I am really nervous just thinking about having the scan. It'll be on the 1rst of Feb and the reason of course would be to see if anything has grown at all and what really is in my liver now. On the sonar scan there was a shadow of some sort left over but it did not appear to be cancer according to the doctors. It'll take a day to reveal the results - most probably the longest day of my life!. Just so nervous about it because I worry something is growing. I know I always will in any case but there's always that little thing that plays on the back of your mind saying what if? The writer, Lisa Lynch who inspired me to start blogging after her fight with breast cancer recently revealed that she now has cancer that spread to her brain and bones. I read her blog now and still as amazing as she writes it's sad to see her not really have a fighting chance left. It's scarey and I felt like a bus had hit me when I read the news - she was my inspiration to kick cancer up the ass and change my whole attitude. I will remain positive as hell and people seem to think - you're over it. Live your life and be happy - stop stressing. You never do though and it seems as if it's only a cancer survivor/ fighter who understands that.

Please keep me in your thoughts on the 1rst of Feb - will keep positive and hope that I have the Big Man above looking out for me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I had to giggle at myself driving the other day. I was getting ready for work the other day and on my way 2 blocks down the road I look down and notice I'm ever so lopsided on my chest. I forgot my fake boob at home. This was something I simply had to go back home and fetch - my 'deformed' form would never go un noticed!

Theres moments like this and onces where I loose it in my house because if it's too hot I just whip it out and throw it somewhere. Then, just as I am about to go out I'm frantically looking for it. The thought came across to many girls I know growing up and saying 'If only books were detachable' - naaaaah. No thanks. Here - have this one!

With this hot weather it's a bit torturous at times. It's either so hot to have the prosthesis is/ not being able to wear low cut tops & dresses outside of home and not being able to wear a swimsuit so I can take a dip in a a friends pool. Think I might invest in a surfers rash top so I can maybe go to the beach or swim at my moms place if I have the need.

With the new year upon us it made me think quite a bit about what I want out of this year - something has gotta change and fast. I see this year as a fresh start where my 'clock' goes back to the beginning and I can make some change for the months ahead. I may be freakishly unfit but that's got to change - I started doing a bit of walking to get slowly fit. I'm eating a bit better and trying to make changes in my life for the good.

In a conversation the other day with my better half we were talking about the last year and a half we have been through. It's been bladey rough for us and now we're just trying to look forward and hope for the best. The thing is - it's better said than done. It's not so easy to 'undefine' yourself
because now I have the challenge of staying cancer free, I want to write my book and we're going to have to get through this lawsuit as well. It's not something you can just transform from - it's a very long process and what I have been through has defined who I am majorly now. It's quite strange.

I'm sitting with the frustrations at the moment with my Medical Aid - nothing in the world makes me as stressed out as them. My doctor wanted me to have a PET scan done in this month 
so we can define what my treatment plan will be. Discovery calls me yesterday and says 'sorry, your application got declined because there is nobody in the western cape who can carry out this scan on the network.' Uh hem - excuse me? What would I have to do in order to get one? ' Well - you would have to live in Pretoria or Joburg'. I beg your parden? How is it that Nobody in CT has ever needed to have a PET scan done here? Regardless of things I called my broker up 
to sort it all out - my nerves are shot every time I speak to them.  I feel like I am dealing with  complete bafoons. Not a chance I can afford about R20 000 for a scan!