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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Chemo no. 5

It's been a week since my first chemo. Feeling human but not 100% myself yet. My body is still quite tired - this chemo specifically lowers your white blood cell count so I can feel my energy being sapped. Some days I may have loads of energy and some not. It's only a week that has gone by however so onward we plod to 'normality'. This chemo specifically is a bit different to the ones I have had lately - I slept (much like a hibernating bear) so much. My body was exhausted as hell. I prayed to the toilet gods for a brief stint, sore bones and body, upset stomach and bloated as can be.

As per usual we had some problems with medical aid so my dad offered to pay for the first 2 rounds - just so we could see if it was working and to get started on it ASAP. Bless my parents heart - always there for me when I hit a rut. Always... The day Helen passed away was actually the day my medical auth got declined. Once again they declined a necessary chemo regime. My dad knew how down and scared I was considering this is one of my last options left for chemo at the moment (not forgetting that Heli passed away too which made reality all a bit too fitting...). One of the most stressful days I ever had you could say. I was an emotional roller coaster ride.

It's been almost 3 years since cancer evaded my body. I do get tired of all and having my life so booked out in doctors appointments, having to stay away from people with the smallest cold, chemo days, resting days....it just makes me so frustrated at times. I just wanna say - come on chemo - WORK for crying in a bucket!!! I feel so blessed for being alive and having the things and people in my life but I do want to live this life cancer free at some stage. Now, would be good. Helen suddenly passing away just hit home very, very close to my heart and it makes me scared as hell.

Speaking of Helen - her send off was truly beautiful. As expected the church was packed and it was a lot more different than your average funeral. Helen was never average that's for sure so they made a send off/ celebration of her life in a truly beautiful way. Friends and family were not allowed to wear black - you were to be in your most colourful clothes and we were asked to bring sunflowers to represent Helen. A true representation of this colourful being. I always thought that the flower represented a person like Helen but when the minister was talking about the sunflower I thought - wow. How perfect... As a reminder to myself and to commemorate my special friend, I decided I am going to plant some in my garden. As you can all probably tell by the many, many mentions of Helen - I truly do miss her.

3 comments:

Cameron VSJ said...

Hi,

I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?

Thanks,

Cameron

cameronvsj(at)gmail.com

Kayleigh Lockem said...

Nikki, ur gone because u were hand-picked by God himself to sit next to Him. I don't understand it, i certainly don't agree. It's an awefully selfish thing for him to have done but i will take solace in the fact that wherever u are, ur okay, I can feel it. Ur body mightve failed u but i know ur spirit is as strong as ever!! Please forgive us for being sad and for grieving ur loss... I know it's not how u wouldve wanted it to be. It's because u are so, so loved. I miss you chicka. Til we meet again, love u forever and always. Kayleigh xx

Cassandra said...

Nicole, I hope that you and Helen are eating sushi in heaven. You fought so hard. xx