Thursday, December 8, 2011

Over the Moon!

Today I am the happiest girl in he world - I am so amazingly overwhelmed right now that
I should probably let everything settle in before I update my blog but I thought while
everything is so fresh I should probably get a start on it all...

My day started off a bit emotional - I seem to get these waves of emotion at times for the silliest things. I was sitting in the woolies parking lot after getting a snack to eat for breakfast and I saw a pigeon get knocked over. I didn't realise it at first because the culprit car did not realise at all until I saw the pigeons mate viciously circling it's mate in a worrisome way wondering why their fellow flyer was not getting up. I was all of a sudden a weeping mess. I feel so much for anything that looses their mate in life. I could not think of anything worse. Life is seriously just too precious - even for a pigeon!

Anyways - So after radiation I set off for my doctors appointment which was a follow up up for my radiation sessions. I was really quite nervous about this. I didn't mention it before because I didn't want anyone worrying more than what I was but my last CT scan results showed some spots on the lumbar colum. I was really worried it started spreading to my bones. So - I sat down with my doctor and she started going through the report with me. I had the report previosuly when I was in ICU but you never understand doctor jargon talk. She said that my liver area was clear and the spots on my lumbar column was not cancer (as I had feared) it was instead my dense bones causing little holes from all the treatment and the chemo closing the holes up. These are the holes that were seen. I sat there in question with all the info going through my head - is what she saying for real here? I have no cancer then? are you sure? I was clear of all traces of cancer!

I will finish my radiation around about 28 dec and in the New Year my doctor wants me to go have a PET scan to see if anything creeps back or to see if we missed anything along the lines. Should it stay negative (which I really hope for!) then we can just go with monitoring or alternatively have a course of 'maintaining' medication thats similar to Herceptin. Should something come up then I can go on the trial that has just opened up and that my dear friend Helen is on. We don't want that so positive thoughts all the way here people!

(a few days later...)

Recent news still hasn't really sunken in - it's all so surreal. I have been living this life of having treatment to treatment and now it's almost like - 'now what?' kind of thing? There are so many mixed emotions that I'm not sure how to feel. Happy - yes, very! but it's almost like
playing a game of russian roulette. You see - with my original diagnosis it was quite bad and I was always told that this would be a very hard thing to fight off and reoccurence is quite
a common situation in these cases. Remain positive sure - call me miss positivity but I fear this feeling of a 'bullet going off' at some point. After speaking with a few people who have been through the same kind of story they told me that no matter what stage you are at - you will always have that feeling. It does get better though. Just gotta keep fighting the fight and believe in the big man above.

Last Thursday on telling my boss the news I asked her if I could hand out an award to a very special person who plays a big role in community service within RE/MAX PA. Gary ran for me with several others at the Darling Marathon this year. I felt like I wanted to break the news at the year end function that evening and ofcourse to take that oppertunity and thank Gary as well as all the other collegues and friends who support me so much. It all seemed very suiting.

The response of everyone was phenomenal - clapping and some even with tears in their eyes. I was a babling mess as usual when I talk and half my planned speech was forgotten but none the less Thanks to all for their support was mentioned. So many hugs and kind words were said to me after it was truley amazing. For people to call me an inspiration and someone to admire is extremely humbling. I'd never in a million years think of myself as that. I always tell people that if they were in the same situation they would do the same but they don't seem to believe me... I posted a saying on Facebook the other day saying 'You never know How strong you are until being strong is the only choice you Have'. Never have I heard something so true in my life. The day I was told how bad my diagnosis was - a million things went through my head - The no.1 thing was 'I can't do this' and 'I can't put my loved ones through this'. I really didn't think we would be able to get through it all but we did. My family who was always there especially my mom who took me to all my appointments and was
there for me whenever I needed someone. Always changing her shifts to accommodate me
and be there no matter what. My better half who has been through so much with me. Sat through the tears and always helped me out with difficult situations and mild stones and cheered me up when he was already bearing so much on his shoulders already. Without you - I would not have been able to do this. I love you all so much.

This may sound like the cheesiest paragraph ever but never can such a sickness open your eyes more. Even without such predicaments in my life - lately in the last month life has seemed ever so precious. Even without such diseases and illness in life - Life is just so short. I have heard so many stories around friends and aquaintances lately that involve loved ones dying and the surprising thing is - nothing was wrong with them whatsoever. They were all young and fit as can be with nothing wrong! Anyones life can be taken away in a heart beat whether you have cancer or not. Seriously - stop fretting the small things in life and just enjoy the beauty in every day that you have been blessed with with your loved ones.

Ok - enough already with the cheesey supreme paragraph above.

If I don't blog before xmas - have a blessed one and thanks for keeping up with the posts.

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