Monday, May 21, 2012

the 'not so positive' post

It's been a hectic rollercoaster ride for the last 2 weeks. Sometimes I think God just needs to give me a bigger plate for all the stuff I put up with - either that or apparently I am Super Woman...some nicer powers besides emotional strength, hope and positivity Would be nice – just saying…

This blog begins off with me telling you about my mom. She had been suffering some pain in the liver/ Gall bladder area. She left it until she went up for her follow up check at the doctor 2 days later. On telling her oncologist that she had this pain she was told to go for a CT scan. While at work she messaged me that she was waiting for results and she had to go to the doctor. Something had been found - I could hear by the tone of her voice that this was not good. I rushed home just thinking the whole way - if this is cancer rearing it's ugly friggen head again then I think I am just going to throw in the towel because I simply cannot do this anymore... enough is enough! 2 days passed by and we got the proper results - thank Lord they were just 2 very large cysts caused from her radiation therapy. Cancer and cysts actually look very much the same. The doctors were extremely concerned due to the positioning of the cysts. They were situated in the area of lymph glands where she was operated on. If that were  cancer it could easily have gone through those glands and into her blood stream and spread elsewhere. Thank heavens she is alright tho. It felt like the biggest weight had been taken off my shoulders.

Moving onto more negative dear friend Helen who I always talk so highly about got some disturbing news too. She had told me that she had been having terrible migrane attacks. She Told her trial doctors and they agreed to monitor it for a week then they would send her for a MRI scan. The migranes persisted and we all started to get worried. She had the MRI and sadley the cancer had spread to her brain. 2 buggers were found situated ontop of her cranium and 1 smaller 1 near her brainstem. Now I have known Helen from the start of her diagnosis and never have I ever met a stronger person and I am so honoured to know her and call her my friend/ cancer buddy because all we do is motivate each other to kick cancers butt!She has an amazing fiance at her side and her mom has flown down from Germany. Helen my buddy – you can do it and I wish you well through all this crap. With Helens news it really got me thinking though – cancer is complete b*tch and I wish it on no one. Helen is also the healthiest person I know – she takes her dog every day for a long walk in the vineyards, goes for runs and cycle rides, eats healthy as hell…Helen – you make me look bad!! It’s tough to put up such a fight and see cancer spreading.

Ok – so I don’t like to post bad things on my blog because I want it to be something positive to Uplift and inspire people but I got some bad news too. Almost 2 weeks back I woke up with extreme Chest pain – I called my doctors and they said it was probably a reflux attack and just to take Some Gaviscon. That evening the pain still was not away – I messaged my doctor and because Of my previous blood clots she instructed me to go to the Emergency Room to be checked over Immediately! After being prodded, poked, x-rayed, ECG’d and injected with pain cocktails they Simply put it down to inflammation and gave me pain meds. The pain was eased a bit but Still bad so my doctor instructed to see me – examined me and sent me for a CT scan. My problem Was either a cracked rib or alternatively transferred pain from my liver (your liver and shoulder area At the first rib share the same sensory nerves). Unfortunately my scan revealed that my chemo had not Worked and my liver lesion was almost double in size. [insert swear word here once again]. As I sat there In absolute shock I started to panic – what happens when I run out of options? My doctor – the amazing Lady she is immediately cracked down to making a plan of action. Choices – A) Red Devil combined with Something else and Cistaplin – also known as the ‘penicillin of chemo’s’ combined with a drug called Nevalbine. At first thought she wanted me to go back onto the Red Devil to where I said ‘will I loose my Hair all over again?’ ‘please cover the bag – the sight of it makes me ill’, ‘I’ll do whatever you want me to’ And then I raised some concern with her ‘I’m 2 worried that I start resisting again like last time… - do we really have to Go down this road again?’. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll ask how high when she says jump but this was Just a concern for me which made her think further…The end result plan was to put me on Cistaplin. ‘You won’t like me very much’ she told me but of course I told her ‘lay it on and bring it’. I don’t care How crap I may feel (Ok that’s a bit of a lie) but I just want to be rid of this and kick it to the curb.  I hope And pray that all will be good and this chemo is going to get rid of the alien cells in my body….for good! It may sound as cheesy as hell but as I told Helen – Cancer has messed with the wrong girls – the boxing Gloves are on!! Ding Ding…game on!

I may start chemo this week or the next – depending on my ‘glorious’ medical aid. I want to stat it ASAP But at the same time I’m not looking forward to the expected nausea. Apparently this chemo is a bit worse Than the bastard, Red Devil. I Will just have to take it all a day at a time and concentrate on greater things To come.

Next Thursday should be my last day at RE/MAX. I Cannot wait until I venture off working on my magazine. It’s so exciting and Nicky and myself are itching to officially get this off the ground. All our ground work Is out so far and our websites/ forum are all getting there.

To the ‘REMAXIDIANS’ Who keep up to date with my blog – thank you for all the amazing support you have Always shown me.


Cansu K. said...

So sorry to hear all you're going through still! But keep going strong as it sounds you are!

Also I love the pic of the boxing pink girl! I am stealing it for myself :)

Take care of yourself!!!

Hopeful head said...

Thanks Cansu K,

Howz your treatment going?

Steal away - you deserve a 'badge for the fight'

keep well