Saturday, February 12, 2011

I changed the name of my blog for now - simply because the word hope is popping up so frequent lately. I may even have that word tattood on me instead. To me Hope is inspiration, it's a goal, it's the little thing that we clutch onto no matter how bad a situation can be.
I had a super bad day yesterday - I was really down. I sat down in my doctors office and she broke the news to me that my medical aid does not want to pay for my new treatment because it's new on the market and very expensive - but yet cheaper than the chemo and Herceptin I am currently on in trials. I was so mad it was unbelievable. I am assured that trials will have me for as long as possible (which I am happy about) but it's not the best solution at the moment because I could be growing immune to the chemo.
I ended up in tears in the doctors office - the worst thing about having cancer for me is not knowing the unexpected. You hold onto every shred of hope and positive thought that all will work out and then stuff like this happens....Doctors are trying to negotiate with them but we'll see what happens. There are other options but it still all sucks. Shame - my trial doctor is a complete angel. She sat down beside me, hugged me and completely understood everything I felt then and there. She's been through all the same stuff when she was 22 years old and matched every sentence to what I was thinking.
See - more waiting. I swear medical aids are just around so you can stress and end up with heart faliure or something instead!

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