Hard hitting realities

Still awaiting dates from doctors -

I however got a call from my plastic surgeon this morning. I don't know how I'm going to get through this but basically my plastic surgeon dosn't want to go ahead with the reconstruction part of my surgery. My doctors concerns are that the radiation treatment is going to ruin my new 'works of art' and do some strange things to my skin by completely changing the shape as well as making the surgery longer than 4 hrs long putting myself at danger for the cancer spreading. Studies basically show that if a patient is open on the table longer thean 4 hours the cancer is known to metastisze further.

It's come as such a big shock because all this time I have thought - 'it'll all be fine - I'll wake up with new boobs like nothing ever happend'. Not anymore....I'm really scared at the reality of it all. I know it's all for my good but since becoming a woman I was always told I had the best boobs around. I never saw them as perfect (a little 2 big for me) but they were one of the better features I have. Ok - that sounds terrible.

Some how I just have to convince myself that it's not permanent for long and that eventually down the line I will have new breasts. If I were much older I don't think this would be an emotional and mental issue. Just got to get my mind around it all and lean on everyone for support.

Bye Bye chemo!

I really am getting bad at updating my posts lately. Just so much been happening! Birthdays, events,moms chemo...it never ends.

I had my last chemo last Monday and yes...it is officially my last chemo I can say this time. So once again we close this chapter and move onto the next step. Dates still to be finalised with my team of doctors.

Yesterday I went for my CT scan to see where we were all going. Sadly - there was no more

shrinking but we did come across a sneaky new thing that has arisen. I now have newcomers

to my lungs (not cancer) but blood clots. My doc seems to think it's from my port so they are 

going to take that out when I have my mastectomy done. Nice news huh? came completely 

by surprise. I now have to inject myself every night in the stomach up until my op. Hopefully 

they will work their way out in the next few weeks but just have to keep our eyes out for it in

the meantime. Last night was my first time having to inject myself but Nigel stepped up to the

plate and said he wanted to do it for me. Bless his soul. We psyched ourselves up for ages and

youtubed (don't laugh - there was no nurse available at the chemist) how to inject yourself because we simply had no clue. Eventually we did it and we both lived to tell the story :-p wasn't so bad after all.

As nervous as I am still about having this major op I will be excited to have this over with. After my op  (about 4 weeks after) my doctor wants to send me for RFDA treatement which is basically sticking a probe in my side and 'microwaving' the spot while I'm under. My doctor seems to think I'll be fine for a while. Just have to have regular check ups to see if theres re occurence in my liver. Need to get into a nice fitness and eating regime and include all the necessary supplements. It's weird I'm excited for everything to put it behind me but yet I'm kind of scared because I know I'm going to be a hypocondriac thinking everything will be cancer related. How does 1 get through that?

While I was going through my last treatment last week - 2 days later my mother had her first. She seemed alright at first but 2 days later it knocked her for a 6. Achey bones, nausea, extreme headaches, dizzy spells and very low BP. Felt so bad for her because I didn't get it that bad. I am glad it's all out and this chemo for her is all precautionary but seems so brutal for something that isn't there. 

Our BreastBuddies Mad Hatters Tea was such a wonderful success. I think everyone had some fun. Thank you to all who helped out. We met lots of new wonderful people and made some great contacts to carry on spreading awareness.

my world has gone crazy

Feeling overwhelmed is a bit of a understatement at the moment - so much happening and going on!

 

My Last treatment has finally come and gone and I am feeling more human again (other than the immense tiredness as usual) - yay!

I felt a bit lost leaving the chemo room - it's quite a strange feeling. The nurses were saying how I was almost part of the furniture I had been there so long. The 1 thing I liked about getting chemo (and probably the only thing) had to be speaking to new and old patients. On my last session there was a middle aged lady who came in half way through my session who was incredibly emotional and kept crying - this was me just a year ago so I decided to talk to her. I gave her tips, told my story and at the end of it gave her some hope and positivity. She messaged me a few days later hoping to talk again as I had given her a good outlook on the whole situation and whenever she is to go through a tough time she will just think of my friendly smile. There is nothing more rewarding hearing that kind of thing. That 's why I enjoy working with Breast Buddies :)

So just 2 days after my ghastly chemo I was laying with the hideous after effects of chemo and marathon watching Greys Anatomy when I noticed some 'animal' looking hair that is continuously stuck on my face. Didn't think 2 much of it until I came to wash my hair - Oh M Geeeeeeeee I am loosing my hair again. Insert swear word here please. Seriously?? My last treatment and this glorious thing happens? I was considering sporting the 'pixie look' the following week. Meh – there goes that idea.

Ok - now let me just tell you that everything written above this line is now officially old - my life has taken another big giant U turn and things are still now dragging out. 

3 weeks ago (yes I know it's been very long since I last wrote) I visited my new plastic surgeon Dr. Hilde Meyer. She looked me over and scheduled me for the 27th of July for my double mastectomy. It became a bit of a reality slap right there and then. This whole entire process has an eventual end and I was almost there! It was so incredibly scary. Everything had been done in stages - I finished my chemo and now I'm about to have my lady bits lobbed off. I'd been excited to have everything cut out of me (being the cancer) but now this feeling was something entirely different. It was reality.

Next issue coming up would be my CT scan. I arrived there prompt and early meeting my mom and drinking that hideous liquid that 1 has to drink before the scan. It seems my veins have officially gone on strike because it took them about 35 mins to find a vein. Can you say human pin cushion? was really sore! Anyways - skipping to the results part. My breast lesions is now down to 1.9 (started off at about 3.3) and my liver lesions shrunk a fraction as well. I was happy - although a bit disappointed that it wasn't more. On my way to visiting a friend having chemo that day my doctors associate called me saying 'congrats on the scan however sorry - We want to delay your operation and push you just 2 more treatments because your liver mets shrunk a little bit’ (comparing to the last time where it didn't). Altho this is all good news I was a bit upset in some ways. Thought I had kicked the red devil away for quite some time. So now I start chemo again and my op is pushed aside till this hurdle is over (once again).

Onto further news - Last Friday was officially the worst day ever for 2011. Not only was our loyal family boxer dog 'Roxy' in the animal hospital for tearing a muscle in her leg and being in the utmost pain but at about 3pm I received the worlds worst phone call saying 'We're at the hospital - mom has been diagnosed with endometrial cancer'. Of all the people in the world - why does it have to be the most kind hearted people who ever walked across the face of the planet? She was scheduled for an emergency hysterectomy for Monday morning first thing. That whole weekend felt like an emotional blur - physically and emotionally I was done. Many people who were close to me were done. Cancer is an incredibly scary deal and it’s starting to scare the s*it out of my family.

Monday morning my mom was taken into hospital where her gynae explained the procedure to us. They would take her whole uterus out as well as the fat and glands that surrounded it. After hearing the news update that the doctor said he had taken everything out I felt a hell of a lot more better. All we had to do was wait on the pathology reports to hear how far it spread and then hear the outcome of everything ie treatment. We got the results back now but they don’t reveal 2 much other than the fact that she’s incredibly lucky. The cancer spread just to her uterus wall and no further.

It's incredibly weird how everything happened but she is ever so lucky. The story kind of goes like this. After my CT scan my mother went in to her weigh less class where she had heard a story of somebody who had been spotting for over 2 years and they didn't bother to check it out. Turns out they had a very rare form of cancer. My mom had been spotting for 2 months but not continuously – she had a pap smear just 2 months or so before and everything was in the clear. On hearing this story she went back to the doctor asking what was the reason for the spotting if she was in the clear? The doctor examined her only to find 1 big mess inside. Meraculously the doc called the gynae at Panorama for a further check up and to take some tests and she managed to get an immediate booking that had just been cancelled. Normally you wait 3 months for this kind of thing…On getting results back of course she got the big news and was rushed off for a CT scan.

It’s weird that we both sitting with this kind of thing now. Never heard of 2 family members having cancer at the same time. Sure – she’s off a lot better as she stands right now but can you imagine if she has to have chemo too? She’ll only be hearing about whether she will have treatment in about 4 weeks but luckily I have been scheduled in with her oncologist on Monday so I plan on poking and prodding her for answers :-p

Thank you to all the people who have shown their support in this last crappy week – it’s meant a lot to me and my family.

just 1 more

as much as thinking 'Just 1 more...' is so exciting I just wanna cringe at the thought of having 1 more. I don't know why but the more I have I just think....seriously - theres more? The mere thought makes you go green!

On the note of 1 more that brings a mere reality that it brings the 'big surgery' very close by. The doctor would like me to have my surgery 3 weeks after my last chemo. As excited as I am to have this primary 'b*itch of a cancer' cut out it's a bit of a reality slap thinking how close it all is. I need to meet up with a new plastic surgeon and discuss the various options of having new 'mounds' upon my chest. Here is hoping they do a 'tram flap' which is a bit of a complicated procedure by the looks of it but it's basically fat used from your stomach (yay!! stuipd chemo has caused me to put on quite a bit) as well as a muscle that is brought up from behind your back/ stomach area. I'll attach a picture below. Do yourself a favour and don't google image it - looks terrible and super sore!

We have moved into our new home - we're absoloutely loving the space. It's been so awesome and my body aches seem more 'happy'. I think the many stairs did no justice whatsover on my achey bones. It hurt just waking up in the morning and the 3 flights of stairs as well as a flight in our own flat took it's toll.

It seems like my lawyers seems to be coming to a bit of a decision in the malpractice issue. They struggling to come up with proof that the cancer grew a certain amount within the 5 months after being diagnosed officially (from seing the GP in the first place) so it looks like they making a demand for trauma, medical expenses etc etc. No figures but even thinking about it still makes me upset because at the end of the day no amount of money can make up for what has happend. If I saw this doctor again I think I'd have to have a army hold me back and my mouth sown shut. It makes me so upset that someones stuipid decissions could have such a toll on my life. I would have probably been over this, I probably would have been in stage 1, It wouldn't have spread and I could have had a very strong chance of a healthy life ahead of me with kids and all. Everything is questioned now and we'll never quite know so we just gotta have faith in God that all will be ok and he has a plan. 

None the less as sh*t as it all seems from time to time - I will never give up fighting the fight. Everything happens for a reason.

Wow - it's been so long since I last posted!
My last chemo was a bit rough - it took me ages to get over it and then juuuuuust as I was about to human again I got sick :(
A beeeeg thank you to Gary, Aretha, Russel, Jacqui, Adrian , Warren and Johan for doing the Darling Half marathon. Yes I am greatful for the money you all raised but with all that aside it means so much that you guys all just ran for me and supporting Gary. I was so happy I could be there to support you all. I was horribly sick that night but was worth it. The support really is overwhelming and I still can't believe it at times. You really do discover true angels in this position.
Just 2 more chemos...I cringe just thinking about it. It's getting so bad that the colour red even makes me want to hurl -because the colour of the chemo is red (hence red devil).
My beloved friend Helen (who was diagnosed the exact same as me and very similar in age) and I are considering doing the Argus next year. After I am finished this treatment I am going to start looking for a bike and getting fit again. I owe it to myself and I defo want to get rid of all this excess weight that all the steroids and cortisone have caused. I feel like a representative of the Oros Man!

nerves and then some more

Tomorrow is a beeeeeg day!

I have my first CT scan since being on this treatment - lets just say I am super nervous. I know the results will be positive ones simply because I can feel the primary site getting smaller treatment by treatment - however I don't know whats going on further than that in my liver and under my arm amongst the nodes. All I can do is pray for the best response ever. I am half way through and hopefully the good response will just persist going on (until nothing is there would be great!)

After my scan I see my oncologist so we can review the results and chat further about whats happening.

and after all that excitememt I will be going to malpractice lawyers - with doing some research with several attornerys we have been told that we have quite a good case and we should not leave this alone whatsoever.

My dad managed to find some malpractice lawyers. No payments are made which is great. Should we win they take a cut of the outcome however which I do not mind whatsoever. I have been thinking about this all time and time again and have often thought I should just leave it due to having to concentrate on the good around me but the more I think of this doctor the more I want to put up a fight. No matter what doctor you are - should a patient come to you with a worrying lump you have to investiugate it no matter what. All he had to do was send me for a scan. Should he have done that - I would most probably be well on my way to recovery - maybe even stage 1 cancer. Thats what makes me angry...

Crossing fingers for the next 24hrs

Wednesday is our quiz evening - should anybody be interested please contact me. We really could do with the support!!

Alas - Thursday is chemo day - I feel green just thinking about it -bleaugh!

Onward we plod

Half way mark is done and dusted as from last week Tuesday - it feels like I am climbing a hill and as I am looking up the hill it's making me feel so tired just seing whats left. 

I know I'm getting great results so just have to tough it out. 3 more left!!

Last weeks nausea was ok - my better half was looking after me because he was off. Got served plenty of toast and Ginger Beer -thanks babe!! I am still feeling a bit naar at times but it's manageable I must say.

Quite a few things happening this month - CT scan, Breast Buddies Quiz (thanks to those who have shown support - still have loads of tickets available!!), Cacer Survivor Forum at the Civic Centre, my chemo (bleagh) and a few days later Gary Phillips is running the Darling Marathon for me - Bless your heart Gary. You're such an angel. The support and care and wanting to help just continues throughout. I am hoping and praying that I am well enough (I have chemo 2 days before) to go and see the race and see Gary finish the race and packing up our home.

I am so happy - my loved one and 2 furry 'kiddies' are moving to a new home. Our lease has ended and we have decided to move to something more secure, a semi detatched house with 2 bedrooms and a garden. So excited and so happy I don't have to climb several flights of stairs anymore -yay!!! By the time I get half way I have to rest. Chemo really runs your body down!

On my way to work this morning I was thinking about all the people and friends that I have gained through this experience. Mainly friends who have also been through or currently fighting the battle of cancer as well. There is nothing more empowering than that - especially my dear friend Helen. She is currently going through the trials which I did and she has the exact same diagnosis as me - Left breast cancer and leisons in the liver. Our doctors put us in contact with eacg other because we are both so young and could benefit from each other. It has helped so much keeping in contact with her - just as positive so we tend to motivate each other and get each other through.